Dear Pastor's Wife

Pastor's Wife Picture.jpg

Dear Pastor’s Wife, 

You may be one of many of my dear friends, or you may be someone I’ve never met. You are all so different, though inextricably linked—you are married to the man who gets up on stage week-after-week on Sundays or serves in various other ways in the church, the man carrying the title of “Pastor.” Many of you hold the title of “pastor’s wife” with great joy, but I know all of you would agree there are weighty difficulties to your role. And I have also learned that if motherhood is often a thankless job, as the common saying goes, the high calling of being a pastor’s wife is, sometimes, nearly forgotten. And when it’s not forgotten, there are times when we as members of the church place burdens on you that you were never meant to bear. 

So, to the pastor’s wife who has felt weary, lonely, or forgotten at times, I pray:

That we wouldn’t idolize you simply because you are the pastor’s wife, having expectations of you far beyond what we’d expect of ourselves.

That we wouldn’t, in turn, criticize you simply because we forget that you are someone in need of God’s grace, just like the rest of us. 

That you would have a safe friend to share your own church struggles with, who won’t panic when you do. 

That we wouldn’t forget to realize your marriage is not perfect simply because you are married to a pastor, and you need a safe place to share your marital burdens with as well.

I pray we wouldn’t demand that you live on a shoe-string budget, while we give ourselves the freedom to live on a much larger budget.

That we would give grace generously toward the hard-fought journey of your parenting, just like we need ourselves.

That we would remind ourselves when we criticize your husband, you too feel the weight and the pain of that sting of criticism.

That we wouldn’t expect you to have the same giftings as your husband, and that we would honor and support those gifts you do have.

And most of all, I pray we wouldn’t forget you in our prayers for our church—realizing you are the most important person in our pastor’s life. May God remind you that you are the “apple of His eye” (Psalm 17:8) when you feel forgotten, lonely, or exhausted in the busyness of church demands. May God comfort you when your pastor—your husband—is discouraged. May He strengthen you when you feel the weight of the church demands on your shoulders, and may He continue to remind you that He holds you in His hands (Isaiah 41).


Your Sister

FriendshipKristin Nave